New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize