My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
