I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
