We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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