i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
