Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
