12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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