one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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