2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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