ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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