The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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