My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize