Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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