I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
