i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
