This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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