hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize