Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize