The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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