sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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