You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
