Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
