we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
