he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
