so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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