He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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