Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
