No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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