Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize