New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
