the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
