I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
