What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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