i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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