Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
