I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
