Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
