New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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