Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
