Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Someone came in the potted fern
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
