how can u be prego again
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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