A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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