i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
