Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize