I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
