I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
