the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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