Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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