there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize