I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
