Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
