Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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