im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
