Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
