1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize