Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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