i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
