worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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