ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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