Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
