Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
