Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
