there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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