I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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