No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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