Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
