grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
