i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
