i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
