1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
