it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Randomize
