how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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