your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
