Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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