That's intense
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
