there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
