Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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