dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
