I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
