I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
