Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I am mentally ready for anal.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
