those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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