rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
