I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize