Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
