I'm eating all of the evidence.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
