Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
