just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
