I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
