So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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