Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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