my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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