yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
he just fucked me for my cheese.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
