I hate your face
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
