My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
