Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize