I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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