i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
