Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
and she was petting her beer can
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
