Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
