He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
