im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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