I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
