I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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