i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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