life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
