and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
