Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
