As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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