Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
