I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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