He asked to "fluff my boner.."
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
