What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
