i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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