Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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