oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My ass is underappreciated
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize