Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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