I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I would fuck him just for his dog
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
